“If we could look into each other’s hearts and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care” ~Marvin J. Ashton
This quote rings so true to life. Individually, we all have things that are less than desirable going on and we all struggle with our own personal “stuff”.
Each day I am thankful for my wonderful life. However, I sometimes can’t help missing the Old Me. I miss when my friends would call and say they have an extra concert ticket and want me to join them. Of course, the Old Me would throw some make-up on and rush out the door to meet them. The Old Me would attend concerts at the last-minute where we would have to stand in line for hours just to get a decent seat for the show. The Old Me would have the best park days with my closest friends where we would act silly and careless the entire day playing games and chatting. The Old Me would ride a bike – how silly is that to think of as being something I can no longer enjoy? While I will always remember the things that have changed and they will never be forgotten……I look forward with hope and a feeling of excitement about what the future has in store.
Today, I often find myself burdened with an endless pit of questions that have to be asked before I take on my next adventure. How long will we need to stand? Is there a ton of walking involved? Will there be a bathroom close by? I am forced to recognize the things I cannot do…..silly things, like riding a bike or riding a horse or walking around on a moving boat or even an airplane or running errands all day. Pretty much anything that will have some sort of unstable ground below me is something I am way too clumsy to attempt anymore because I am a little too unstable even just standing there. Even the grocery store takes some major planning about the time of day that would work best for me and not doing too much before that time. I remember when I used to just run into a store and run out….no planning needed. Even writing this right now makes me feel a little ridiculous, but here it is today and it is my reality.
I call it a burden but while it is sad and frustrating and I get angry sometimes, I am also thankful for the things I can do. I can smile. I can laugh. I can love with my whole heart. I can be a good wife and mother, a good sister and daughter and friend. So, while there is a lot I cannot do, there are monumental things that I can do. The things that truly matter. Find in yourself the things you can do well and embrace them.
2 thoughts on “The new me….”
Your mom and dad have updated me on your life and although I haven’t seen you and your sister for quite a while, I have been following your families by way of your mom’s Facebook posts. I enjoy your journal because it takes a special kind of person to let others into your most intimate thoughts. My daughter Christine is going through a similar tough patch in her life. Just as you are, she is a strong and determined girl who will not let this be the defining moment in her life. Rest assured that God has his hand on both of your’s and Christine’s shoulder and He has a plan for you. Keep working hard and being the inspiration to others that are having a tough time. I am praying for you. God bless you.
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That means so much! Thank you, Butch! I have kept up with Christine’s journey as well and I wish her nothing but the best and she is an inspiration to so many – sending a lot of love! Again, thank you so much 💜