It’s been a while! I hope everyone had incredible holidays! While my holidays were great and full of laughter, family and friends, there were also a few situations I encountered that were a little less fun.
I have never been a super coordinated person, taking extra care with every step, especially in the last decade. Being unsteady on my feet at times is something that I just have learned to shrug and laugh off. I’m glad I never had high hopes of being a graceful ballerina or I would be sorely disappointed.
Ok, back to living and learning to laugh it off. Until recently, that has been my reality. I have had 2 falls in the last month that have not only been embarrassing, even though they both happened with only my husband as a witness, they worry me a bit. There has been a change in my falls. Ha – funny to think of really – a change in the way I fall.
What happens is when I fall, I really fall. I’m talking dead weight down like my hands are tied behind my back kind of fall. I don’t even make an effort to break it by putting my arms down to help minimize the impact at least somewhat. It’s hard to explain because that is not how we are supposed to react when we fall, unexpectedly. Our brains are supposed to help us out here by sending a quick message, screaming to put your arms out! Break the fall!
That’s where the problem lies with me. Instead, my brain is sipping Mai Tais on a beach somewhere and I am going down. Hard. So, needless to say my head hits the ground with a crunch and my husband runs to help while I am wanting to completely disappear from embarrassment.
Now, as I sit here wondering about my future I can’t help but be sent to a scary, dark place. Oh my gosh, is this the beginning of further disability? But I started a new infusion that is supposed to be helping to make me stronger, not worse?
If there is one thing I can say about myself, is it is definitely not my style to stay down feeling sorry for myself for long. I stand back up, brush myself off and move forward (sometimes with a little less pride, of course).
I headed to get a new MRI last night and my husband ordered me a new walking cane. It is important to know that I do not always feel unstable so the cool thing about this particular cane is that I can use it when I feel like I need it and fold it up to fit in my purse for when I don’t. So, as upset as it makes me to not have gleaming things to say about my journey thus far with the Ocrevus infusion, I remain hopeful.
Full infusion coming later this month – high hopes for a positive turn around!